Complicated

2005-04-05T00:27:00.000+08:00

I met some friends on Friday and had dinner and drinks with them. We spoke quite a lot about a lot of stuff but mainly perspectives in relationships. Everyone had their own two cents worth, very interesting indeed.

I realised some things while talking to a friend Aberwyn. He made me realise that in relationships everyone has a tendency to be selfish and constantly thinking about getting their own needs and wants met. Sometimes, we forget about our significant other's feelings, needs and wants. Whatever gave us the right to ask and demand from the other when have we ourselves done enough to make the other feel special, needed and secure with ourselves.

I don't mean in comparison to who is the greater giver but more like little gestures as a sort of affirmation that the love is recipocrated and yes you are just as important. However, I failed to realise that everyone's definition of love and expectations in a relationship differs. If all were to think likewise then our live will be a lot simpler. But reality is never like that, life is complicated and love is too. The more you love and give, the more difficult it becomes because you have invested a large part of your feelings to make it work and blossom. Does the other feel the same as you? You would like to think so but maybe they have but their definition of giving differs from your expectation. Disappointment will then set in and where does that leave you? Continue to give more simply cause you love that person or start to retract back your love as your needs are not met? Loving someone is going all out to give and not hold back, at least that is what I think. When you really love someone, you should not be calculative of the little things.

An ex used to tell me. Wouldn't it be wonderful if love was unconditional and both parties just keep giving and not calculate which one has been giving more and sacrificing more? When you both keep giving you would have lost track of who is the greater giver as both are so happy that the giving and sacrificing is no longer noticeable. You are simply basking in your love for each other. That is indeed no easy feat. I want to be there one day, it takes a lot but I hope I will get closer to it. It is important to be more selfless in relationships and think about the one you love and not just for yourself.

I used to think that if you have loved, given and sacrificed for someone they too will be touched and do likewise. As we are all different individuals, it takes a lot of hard work for 2 individuals to be in love and get along with each other. A lot of pain and effort must be put in to make the love last. It's easy to take the other for granted and assume the things or gestures done for yourself is expected and you deserve to be treated the best or top priority. Ever occurred to you, sometimes it is a mean feat for someone to really love you and change his or her way of life for you. It is difficult to make that decision and stick by it. I had someone who made that sacrifice for me, but I failed to treasure it. I never realised the dilemma he was in and how tough it was to achieve that. I only realised it now but it's too late.

Eutopia

Complicated